Menopause Mania
Since people who read this blog include those who love me BUT may not want to read about things I might write about sex and vaginas, consider this your fair warning. No judgement. I can totally dig not wanting to hear about these things from your sister, for example. ;)
I have been taking my 'menopause meds' for about 2 months now. As I was already in a chemo-induced menopause (ovaries have been asleep since the spring) I wasn't really sure what kind of symptoms or changes I might expect. When discussing this medication my oncologist (who is wonderful) gave a very quick rundown of major symptoms (hot flashes, fatigue, sleep troubles, joint pain...) and I replied 'Yeah, menopause symptoms' and he said 'yup.' And that was that.
My perception of menopause has been that it is a time where hormones change, periods stop, hot flashes and sleep problems happen, and people have mood swings. Hot flashes and mood swings related to this 'change of life' are joked about. Once I found myself in menopause, I started doing some research to help me understand some of the changes I was noticing and discovered that these symptoms are just the top of the iceberg. Here is a list with some of the most common symptoms:
- Hot flashes
- Night sweats and/or cold flashes
- Vaginal dryness that causes discomfort during sex
- Urinary urgency (a pressing need to pee more frequently)
- Difficulty sleeping (insomnia)
- Emotional changes (irritability, mood swings or mild depression)
- Dry skin, dry eyes or dry mouth
- Racing heart
- Headaches
- Joint and muscle aches and pains
- Changes in libido (sex drive)
- Difficulty concentrating or memory lapses (often temporary)
- Weight gain
- Hair loss or thinning
Just fabulous, right? For humans like me for whom these symptoms are layered on top of our cancer-related symptoms, it can be a bit overwhelming. There are a few symptoms on the list that I am experiencing, but this post is about those related to sexual health. Having been in active treatment for months, my sexual health wasn't at the top of my priority list, but suddenly I was discovering that not only might I have a reduced desire for sex but that I might not be physically able to have sex. Let me tell you, it is not awesome to discover that your body cannot do things it used to do. It is really disheartening to be in recovery, feeling stronger every day, and then find out that you have been broken in ways you didn't anticipate. I was pretty angry that nobody had cared to mention this to me. (I'm pretty sure that prostate cancer patients get some warning about sexual health side effects, just sayin'.)
At my first post-menopause-meds appointment I mentioned to my nurse that I had questions about symptoms like dry vagina, and she referred me to a social worker at our hospital who specializes in supporting people with sexual health during and after cancer. I had to wait to get an appointment, and in the meantime started to consume as much information about medically-induced menopause as I could. About 3 weeks later I met the social worker, Monique, who was fabulous and supplied me with all of the additional information and support I needed.
The thing I learned at my appointment that drove me crazy was that there are lots of supports at the hospital for these symptoms; they have pamphlets about each symptom, and even a monthly class called 'The Low Down on Down There" which probably would have answered all of my questions. My concern is that there wasn't any proactive support for me as I was thrust into sudden menopause. I would have happily attended that class in the fall and read the pamphlets and been prepared for the changes that were coming. Instead of learning about vaginal moisturizers AFTER finding out I needed one, it might have been nice to be prepared for that ahead of time.
A couple of days after my meeting with Monique I was speaking with my Carepath nurse (cancer support nurse who checks in on me now and then) and I unleashed all of my frustration. She agreed that the cancer community (and the medical community at large) could do a much better job educating about menopause and sexual health. We exchanged a bunch of resources over email, and she sent me this awesome reply a day or two later:
OMG AmyYou have started something.I had a meeting with my peers and I got the ball rolling.The director of education is getting involved for resources so we here at Carepath have something in a care package type to share with our clients.Thank you for all those resources you provided. I am going to share with the Director and look though all of it myself.
I was pretty happy that my rant had possibly done some good for someone else out there. I've become a bit of a menopause prophet in the last month, bringing it up whenever I can and SO MANY WOMEN want to talk about it. Yesterday I had the great pleasure of being a guest on an episode of my friend Lisa's podcast, Transforming 45. She and I discuss how we met, the ways we are connected to each other, where I am in my recovery, and the lack of support (and lack of celebration!) for the menopause transition. It was a fun conversation and we would love it if you would have a listen. On her podcast Lisa has been exploring a variety of issues and experiences relevant to women around our age; like a guide to the big 'what's next' as we move away from parenting roles and work on rediscovering what helps us thrive.
I would encourage you to learn and talk and listen and share if you are approaching menopause, or in it, or 'past' it, or if any of these things apply to your partner! I've shared some resources below that I have really enjoyed so far. Pass them on like you'd pass along a good recipe. :)
Books:
The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism (Dr. Jen Gunter)
Very comprehensive and empowering. Good for everyone. Dr. Jen is great.
Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire (Dr. Lori Brotto)
Recommended by Monique to be proactive about things like low libido, but I'm reading it and I can say that I would recommend it to just about anyone. Brain-body connection is SO IMPORTANT.
Podcasts:
Dr. Louise Newson Podcast (every episode focuses on some aspect of menopause)
Available on all platforms
Menopause and Cancer Podcast (specific to menopause in cancer patients and survivors)
Amy you a gem! Always learning, researching and sharing❤️
ReplyDeleteMonique was my social worker throughout my treatment, and I can't imagine going through it without her support! She's awesome - glad she was there for you too :)
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