Checking in on Amy

I just woke up from a 3+ hour 'nap.' I was sleepy after dinner and headed straight for my bed, and didn't get up until after 10PM. It was a really good sleep and I guess my body needed it. The side effects of radiation haven't been too bad for me yet. I have completed my 16 treatments and one of my 'boost' treatments, so I've only got three more boost treatments to go. I met with my radiation oncologist on Tuesday and he was very generous with his time. One thing I learned from him is that the protocol for radiation treatment has changed since my treatment started, and 'boost' treatments will no longer be separate but they will instead become part of the initial course of radiation. Had this change happened before my treatment started I would have saved myself four trips to the hospital. I'm glad that the people who come after me can benefit from this change. My doctor explained that, in general, the number of visits required to treat just about ...

I had my 6th radiation treatment today. Treatments have been going well. The appointments are quick, so I find I'm only out of the house for about an hour each time (~15 minutes driving; ~10 minutes parking and walking to/from the appointment; ~25 minutes to change, wait, get zapped, and change again).  Before each zap (which is, in case you were wondering, x-rays!) I lie down on the bed that has been specially prepared for me with the neck rest, knee support, angle, and hand/arm grips all in the places that were determined at my CT appointment. The technicians check my position using my tattoos and some lights that shine from the machine. They make sure everything is just right, then leave the room. After that, they take a couple of quick x-rays to make sure my position is perfect. They use the x-rays to adjust my position a tiny bit more, so I usually feel the bed move around just a bit before the radiation treatment happens.  My understanding is that I get x-rays from four ...

Since COVID started I have never really been worried about germs. I have always worn a mask in public and am careful to give people personal space. I listened to the concerns of people who were immunocompromised and have always tried to act in a way that won't make others feel uncomfortable, but have never felt personally at risk when I go out in the world to run errands. Now that I am immunocompromised, I am experiencing some true germ anxiety for the first time. Last week I went to Winners to shop for summer hats, and in the checkout line none of the other customers in front of me or behind me were wearing masks. I was wearing mine and trying to keep my distance, but felt very vulnerable in that moment. The customers behind me were breathing down my neck even though I was clearly leaving space before the customers ahead of me. I'm not afraid of getting COVID as much as I'm worried about the fact that getting it (or another illness) could result in a delay in my treatment....

I just got home from Chemo #2 and, like last time, so far so good. Mom is here and she was my chauffeur today! During our neighbour dog walk this morning the topic of Mother's Day came up, specifically that it is happening this weekend. I was so sure it was next weekend, as it often occurs at the start of the Canada Wide Science Fair. So, I am thankful for Mother's Day I get to be with my mom. 💜 My treatment took just about exactly 3 hours today. I'm grateful it's not longer; some others are there for much longer, and still others go home hooked up to a bottle of chemo. Here is a picture of my in my comfy chemo chair - they are sweet recliners and VERY comfortable. I mentioned in a much earlier post that I received a really amazing gift from my friend Deb. She had a cancer diagnosis in 2017 (I think!) and did a beautiful job sharing her story at that time which I was grateful for. Her honest sharing helped inspire me to do the same, and I have found it to b...

This week will be chemo treatment #2. I'm not overly worried about it since I know how last round went and I can anticipate how things may go. Some symptoms are cumulative, so I can't really predict how well I will feel, but as long as it isn't drastically different from last time I know I will manage. The hardest things about my illness so far haven't had to do with treatment.  Admitting to myself that something was wrong with me was hard. Saying the words out loud to Rick, the girls, and to our family doctor was hard. Telling our friends and loved ones that I am sick was hard. Admitting that I needed to take a leave from work was hard. Waiting for my first couple of appointments to be scheduled was hard. The hardest things involved facing the reality of a serious illness, confronting my mortality (because that is unavoidable), and witnessing/absorbing the worry and pain of my loved ones. These are BIG things. These are the things that shifted my reality and in some wa...

For those not interested in my knitting adventures, I will say that I am feeling wonderful on this rainy Thursday. Very much like myself. In fact, I was feeling SO good yesterday that I when I was making dinner I thought, 'hey, these potatoes [that I was planning to mash] are the perfect size for scalloped potatoes,' and then proceeded to make a far-too-fancy potato side dish for a Wednesday. They were delicious. My appetite and energy continue to be good. Every day has included two good dog walks, even in the sleet and snow. I had my picc line dressing changed today (a new weekly 'chore') and picked up some new curtains and a duvet cover for the guest room. The rest of this post is about knitting. You have been sufficiently warned. I picked up some yarn supplies  before my treatments started and have used some of the yarn make myself a couple of soft and light hats for spring. One was a copy of the hat I made for Fiona (because I LOVED it) and the other was a lighter ...

This afternoon I got some news I wasn't expecting. The genetic counsellor called to let me know that I was NEGATIVE for all nine of the breast-cancer-related gene mutations they tested me for. (Negative = GOOD in case you have forgotten!) I didn't realize how much I was expecting to hear that I had a bad gene until I found out I didn't. Now, of course, there are potentially 'bad' copies of other genes out there that we aren't aware of yet, but I will still count this as a win. During the call I also elected to go ahead with a larger panel of genetic testing for other genes linked to non-breast cancers and will find out more about those results soon. This was a great way to end the day. I got to spend today with kid #1 and was glad for her company, so the day was already shaping up to be a good one. :)

This morning I met my medical oncologist. There was LOTS of information shared at this appointment, but I'll cut to the important bits. My first chemo treatment will be Thursday April 14th. (Mom...I know I said it was the 15th but they switched it, I swear!) I'm going to have a PICC line put in next Wednesday. My MRI will happen Thursday morning before my chemo treatment. Six chemo treatments are planned, with each treatment 3 weeks apart. In terms of side effects we expect the 'usual' ones (hair loss, nausea, fatigue, joint/muscle/bone pain, etc.) but also some bigger long-term ones. My ovaries are not going to survive the treatment so it looks like I'm going to truck right on past perimenopause and bring on the real thing. Awesomesauce. Lol. It's funny how 'big' news like that seems like it's not that bad when you are focused on a much bigger problem.  In other news, we have spent lots of time the last few days working on re-locating daughter #2 to...

I'm feeling really good today. More relaxed than I have been for a few days. It is a good feeling. :)  There is only very mild soreness at the biopsy sites which is great. My skin is stained pink from some weird antiseptic soap so I look like I've been through something much more serious. I will be at home this week. This feels right and wrong all at once. There will be much more to share about work-life balance in the days to come. For now I will say I am grateful that circumstances allow me to step back. This week I am looking forward to dog walks, spring cleaning, and setting up additional supports I may need in the weeks to come. This means that today I get to make some lists. I am the type of human who loves to make lists, so this is a good thing. Sending my love and gratitude to all of you. 

Yesterday I made some phone calls to follow up on my upcoming appointment schedule. A CT scan and biopsy had been scheduled. The CT scan will be March 28th. The date for the biopsy was set for early April which was much later than I had expected, so I had myself added to the cancellation list. I was pretty devastated at the idea of waiting that long to have a concrete diagnosis, and reached out to my contact at RVH to make sure there was nothing else I could do to speed up the process. This morning, because of the amazing advocacy of a doctor, I was invited to come in for my biopsy TODAY. I cannot tell you what an incredible relief it was to hear that news. I got home from my biopsy an hour or so ago. The doctor took a sample from the lump as well as from a lymph node in my armpit. Titanium is a new element to add to my collection as they left a small piece inside the lump - 'x' marks the spot.  I will find out the results of the biopsy next Friday. In the meantime I will be wo...

It sucks. I know it's March break and people are probably on vacation.  It still sucks.