Easy Things and Hard Things

This week will be chemo treatment #2. I'm not overly worried about it since I know how last round went and I can anticipate how things may go. Some symptoms are cumulative, so I can't really predict how well I will feel, but as long as it isn't drastically different from last time I know I will manage.

The hardest things about my illness so far haven't had to do with treatment. 

Admitting to myself that something was wrong with me was hard. Saying the words out loud to Rick, the girls, and to our family doctor was hard. Telling our friends and loved ones that I am sick was hard. Admitting that I needed to take a leave from work was hard. Waiting for my first couple of appointments to be scheduled was hard. The hardest things involved facing the reality of a serious illness, confronting my mortality (because that is unavoidable), and witnessing/absorbing the worry and pain of my loved ones. These are BIG things. These are the things that shifted my reality and in some ways my identity.

Compared to these HARD things, diagnosis and treatment have been relatively easy. They involve solutions and action. There are discrete steps. Treatment feels good because it is a way to fight back and take control. I knew that my hair was going to fall out. This was predictable. I do not mourn the loss of my hair. Losing my hair is part of the solution, and so I welcome it. 

On Saturday I woke up to hair on my pillow, so I knew it was time to cut off my hair. At the suggestion of our good friend Aaron, I decided to have some fun with my hair loss before it was all gone. I had looked up different ways to do-it-yourself and the 'strip of tape' method seemed easiest. Rick and the girls all helped. Here is a picture of me getting help with my mohawk! 

And here is the result! It was short-lived as my hair was falling out fast, but I did sport this look for my Saturday evening dog walk and a couple of people got to see it in person. The grey at my temples helped make this look more distinguished, right? ;)

Yesterday I took Miriam shopping to find her grade 8 graduation dress. Before we left for our shopping trip, I had given my noggin a good rub over the bathtub and LOTS of hair came out. I decided to wear a hat in the mall because I was feeling a little shy about the mohawk. When we got home from our successful shopping trip, Rick helped me shave the rest of the long hair off, so now I am sporting a sweet buzz cut and I love how fun it is to touch. Such a cool texture! The only trouble with touching it is that more hair falls out if I'm not very gentle. You can see a couple of uneven bits at the top of my head in this picture. The benefit of my condition is that I can just reach up and pull out any hair that isn't quite even. Super weird but also super convenient.

 

In other news, I know some of your were waiting for a guest room update. :) Here is what Miriam's old room looks like now, all ready for my mom when she comes back this week to hang out for chemo #2 and for my port surgery next week. I will write more about the port soon, but basically it is like my picc line except it gets implanted under my skin so there isn't anything sticking out of my body. The surgery is a quick one but I do get put asleep for it.

Finally, we also scored some outdoor furniture from IKEA on Friday. I say 'scored' because we have been trying to track these pieces down for two years. They have storage for the cushions in the seats. We missed our chance to get these the last couple of years because we weren't on top of our IKEA notifications. Last Monday morning I had a notification that they were in, but then they were out of stock by 2PM. On Friday we had another notification, and Rick headed there right after work. He was there just in the nick of time to get what we wanted. Here is the last photo of me with hair after we spent Friday evening assembling things.