Mothers' Day Weekend

This second round of chemo has been similar to the first. I was feeling pretty good the first couple of days (if you can consider a steroid high 'good!') and like last time that is being followed by a couple of really slow and tired days. This round I have found that the feeling of exhaustion and brain fog bothering me more than the first time. The first round of chemo I wasn't sure what to expect, so to have my symptoms limited to fatigue and a nagging headache seemed like a gift (which it really is) and that 'pleasant' surprise may have distracted me from the details. Or perhaps things are a little worse this time. Hard to say. I've been trying to explain how I feel. How my brain feels. It is weird. But I will try.

This feels sort of like jet lag. The kind where you are exhausted AND you still have a 10 hour day in front of you and you need to gather your wits so you don't get on the wrong train and it takes all of your concentration. The kind where you get the feeling that time isn't linear but weirdly flexible. You are moving in slow motion while everyone else moves in a blur that seems too fast to be normal. Everything is a little too bright and a little too loud. You just want to close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to a normal tomorrow but you can't yet because there are hours ahead of you that need to be filled.

Other than the fatigue and brain fogginess, I also have what I call 'sleepy hands.' My fingers are just very slightly numb, sort of like when you wake up in the morning and your fingers aren't quite awake just yet. I can barely notice the sensation, but it is definitely there.

On the hair front, my Saturday shower saw most of the rest of my hair go down the drain. Or did it? The white hairs seem to be holding on harder than the dark ones, and though thousands have fallen out I still have some left. Before bed Saturday I had mom use the sticky lint roller on my head, and the girls pitched in for another round the next day. This helps quite a bit because the hair is contained on the sticky surface and not finding its way into my bed or clothes or dinner. 

Lint rolling your mom's head (or your daughter's head) is a great Mothers' Day gift. :)

Over the course of the weekend I also took up a new craft. I know that idea does NOT jive with my brain fog narrative! I was really lucky to get my new gadget (a rigid heddle loom) in the mail Friday morning during my steroid high. This means that on Friday I had time to assemble it and my mom's help to get it all set up for a first project. By the time my fatigue set in on the weekend I knew how to work the loom, and sitting down for an hour or so at a time was manageable because there wasn't too much thinking involved in the process for my first project. I chose some yarn from my stash and made a lovely scarf. The tension isn't perfect, but the fabric is soft and light and the colours are fun. Having this scarf at the end of such a strange weekend feels like a small, beautiful victory.

Mom and I with my new weaving loom that arrived on Friday.

She helped me get it all set up and was a great cheerleader as I worked on my first project this weekend.

For my crafty people, a close-up of my weaving process.

My finished scarf - it's pretty sweet!