Ask Me Why I Love My Job

Most of you know that I am a teacher.

There were many times in the last year when I wished I had a different job so that I could have done some work part-time. I felt pretty good every 3rd week through chemo last spring and for about six weeks this autumn between surgery and radiation. Unfortunately teaching is an all-or-nothing kind of job. A job where I am either ready and able to supervise, educate, and care for 30+ humans or not. The logistics of medical leave and the need for consistency for students means there is no way for me to arrange to pop in on weeks I'm feeling fine. Unfortunately, being on medical leave also means that I am not permitted on school property even when I'm feeling good. No visits with colleagues, no special events, no chance to go in and organize cupboards on the days I'm feeling good.

Since I left work last March I have done quite a bit of reflection about this career of mine. I love teaching. I miss it. At the same time I find it hard to imagine stepping back into my teaching life. It is a job that will obliterate your work-life balance if you aren't careful. 

I had coffee with a friend early this winter who retired from teaching a couple of years ago. She tried to describe some of the feelings she experienced when starting her retirement. She painted a picture of her work life: waking up with a checklist of plans in her mind; getting to work early to have time to prepare for students; adhering to a hyper-scheduled day that dictated food and washroom breaks; being ready to give up precious planning time every day to help students or colleagues in need; coming home to the family with some work always in tow; spending evenings marking or planning for the following day; going to sleep with visions of morning must-dos. This friend spoke about how hard it was for her brain and body to suddenly be without this daily fuelled schedule. This description was familiar to me. I have worked hard to keep work at work the last few years, which meant longer work days, but the planning and problem solving and to-do lists were always present in my mind.

If you are a Vinyl Cafe fan you are probably familiar with the story 'Dave Cooks the Turkey.' In this story one of my favourite parts is when Morley uses the analogy of a train to describe the frustrations of being a busy mom to her husband Dave. Indulge me - I couldn't resist finding the excerpt and sharing some of it here:

" '...you know what my life is like, Dave? (...) My life is a train, she said. I'm a train dragging everyone from one place to another to school and a dance class, and now it's time to get up and now it's time to go to bed. I'm a I'm a train full of people who complain when they have to go to bed and and fight you when they have to get out of one. That's my job, because I'm not only the train, I'm the porter and the conductor and the cook and the engineer and the maintenance man. And I print the tickets and stack the luggage and clean the dishes. And if they still had cabooses, I'd be in the caboose so I could pick up everything after the train went by. (...) It starts at a town called First Day at School, Dave, and it goes to a village called Halloween and then through the township of Class Project and down the spurline called your sister is visiting. And you know what's at the end of the track, you know, where my train's heading?'  

 

(...) 'Not at Christmas,' he moaned.

'Exactly,' said Morley. 'To the last stop on the line, Christmas dinner, and this is supposed to be something I look forward to. Dave, this is supposed to be a vacation...(...) and when we finally get through that week between Christmas and New Year, you know what they do with the train? They back it up during the night when I'm asleep so they can run it through all the stations one more time.' "

(Stuart McLean) 

Many parents can relate to this; our lives can sometimes seem like an endless loop of caregiving, planning, driving, shopping, etc. For me this analogy works equally well for my teaching life. I get on the train the first day of school and ride the wave of planning, problem solving, caregiving, and adrenaline all the way until the end of June. There isn't a night I don't think of work. There isn't a single day where I feel like I've done everything on my to-do list and it just keeps growing. I scarf down food while returning parent messages and pray that I'll find a free washroom when I need one. I mix chemicals and lay out or clean up equipment during prep periods. I order chemicals and paper towel and preserved frogs. I comfort students who need comforting and offer extra help to those who are struggling. I am an instructor, accountant, counsellor, curriculum designer, online learning provider, hazardous waste specialist, and technology trouble-shooter. 

Say what you want about our summers off. I can say with all honesty that although I love this job dearly I could not survive 12 months a year on the teaching train. It is a job that demands as much of my brain, body, and heart as I am willing to give.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't initially miss work at all when I left. I felt guilty about leaving my colleagues in the lurch and worried about whether my students had a replacement teacher, but I didn't miss the daily act of teaching because my body and brain were distracted by the uncertainty, anxiety, and appointments that filled my days. As I entered treatment and things settled down a bit I had more time to think about (and miss) work. The energy of my colleagues and students are what I missed most. Even though I wasn't ever lonely, I missed having a connection with my school family.

The circumstances of the last few years have changed our job in ways I could not have imagined. The pandemic stretched (and broke) the rules of our collective agreements in numerous ways and asked us to give of ourselves in ways we couldn't have expected. At the time I went on leave last year we were finally finding our way back to a 'normal' school day schedule, but things were still far from what we remembered as normal.

Being away from work right now brings a perspective I didn't have before. Many of my colleagues and acquaintances who are teaching describe increasingly difficult working conditions. It's not easy to find supply teachers so there is guilt attached to being ill; no supply means another colleague may be asked to give up their planning time to help cover for you, or the school librarian is forced to close the library so they can supervise your class. Students are still adjusting to 'post-pandemic' life and are requiring more support with managing behaviour, emotions and executive function. Even in the best of times we struggle to meet the needs of our students. I have lived every day of my career with the knowledge that we could do better. 2023 is not 'the best of times' in education in Ontario, and the feeling that we are falling short in supporting students has never been stronger. 

(FYI, if you are reading this because you get paid to scour social media to find employees violating the 'rules,' please know that I am speaking about experiences across the province and not just those from my own school and board. I can't believe I feel the need to write this. But I did. Because this is a thing.) 

So, from the outside looking in, it's still a little hard to believe that I will head back into a school at some point. As much as I miss it, I am very wary about giving myself back to this job. Today, my most important and precious mission in life is to be healthy. Figuring out how to be healthy AND a teacher is going to require some very careful planning on my part. Some years I have been better at work-life balance than other years; sometimes good healthy habits drift away when work life becomes overwhelming. I suppose the good thing is that health habits are non-negotiable for me at this point. The consequence is that I am going to have to find ways to be at peace with giving less than 100% at work. 

My brain and body aren't quite ready to go back to work yet, but I'm getting there. I'm not sure what my return to work will look like, but I promise to write about it.

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Several years ago I was given the little pin that says "ASK ME why I love my job" and it has been on my lanyard ever since. I love wearing it because a few times each year a student reads the pin and asks me the question. My answer isn't always the same. 

I love Science.
I love teenagers.
I love that every day brings new, unexpected challenges.
I love seeing my Science students on the basketball court or performing on stage.
I love sitting beside students who are making hard decisions about school, jobs, and life.
I love the amazing humans that teach alongside me.
I love having a classroom space that students will seek out when they aren't sure where else to go.
I love helping students find the help they need for...whatever.
I love discovering new ways to teach concepts; that is, I love reinventing the wheel.
I love laminating and organizing things.
I love freshly sharpened pencils, squeaky clean glassware, and the look on a student's face during their first animal dissection.

Lots to love. When I go back I'll just have to make sure I love myself MOST OF ALL. :)