I Promise I'm Not an Impatient Patient

March 22, 2023

I've never gone a whole month between blog posts AND I missed my cancer blog anniversary! Whoops!
March 15th last year was my very first post. March 25th was diagnosis day. And here we are.

Two weeks ago I was supposed to have my immunotherapy treatment but it was delayed as my platelets were too low. That Wednesday I went to the hospital 2 hours before my appointment for bloodwork, and opted to sit in a sunny chair by the window and knit until my oncology appointment. What I could not have known is that doctor was running late, and in the end I spent FOUR hours knitting in that window. I was content (though starving!) but after I got in to see the doctor (and have my treatment delayed by a week) I was able to zoom home and eat lunch quickly before my lymphedema massage appointment.

Last week, I failed my bloodwork again so my treatment was delayed by another week. I didn't see the doctor in person. My treatment was pushed to this week.

Yesterday I had another round of bloodwork (I went the day before my doctor's appointment to avoid another loooooong day at the hospital). Last night I could see online that my platelet level was just over the acceptable limit for treatment. Yay!

Today I arrived early for my appointment. I was curious to ask about my platelets...why were they so low? Why were they taking so long to recover? Even during chemo an extra week off was enough to help them bounce back.

Today I had physio scheduled more than 2 hours after my oncology appointment. It never occurred to me that I might wait over two hours again, but I did. I arrived early, as I usually do. I took my place in the waiting room around 11:30AM and happily knit in the sunshine until about 1PM when I started to realize I only had 35 minutes left before I would need to leave for physio.

So, I had a dilemma.

Option 1: Wait to see the oncologist and miss physio. I know how busy my physiotherapist is and that I wouldn't be able to book another appointment this week if I missed. I haven't had major problems with swelling but there is a noticeable improvement after each treatment, so during the course of each week I do have an increase in swelling on my right side and I don't want to know how it might progress if I didn't get treatment. Missing my appointment would also inconvenience my physiotherapist and I'd probably have to pay a missed appointment fee.

Option 2: Go to physio. My $15 hospital parking fee would certainly not be reimbursed, but my oncology care team could probably call to relay any important information about tomorrow's treatment. I probably wouldn't get a chance to ask about my platelets and what it all means. And I was guaranteed to feel so much better after my physiotherapy treatment.

What would you do?

I notified reception that my time was running out. They asked if I could come back and I said that yes, I could, at 4:30 (I had a call scheduled at 3:30 that could not be changed). 4:30 was too late for them. And so I remained in the cancer clinic as long as I could. And at 1:35 I left for physio without having seen my oncologist, and physio was great.

When I got home I had 2 missed calls and a message from my oncologist. I could tell that he didn't know the details of my dilemma. It sounded like he was under the impression that I left the clinic in an unhappy state. I was more confused than unhappy. I knew I was making the right decision for me and my body, AND at the same time I hated leaving. My cancer care has been great. I am a very patient human. I'm not a complainer. Doctors are worth waiting for! I am just left wondering why the schedule is so broken. My doctors' time is precious, to be sure, but certainly a patient's time is also worth something.

The truth of the matter is that I don't want to APPEAR to be impatient. I am not an impatient human. So this post is like a weird confession about me hating the fact that someone else might judge me negatively based on my actions today. I know I did what was best for me.

Gotta shake it off, I think.

~ ~ ~

Other updates from the last month...we spent a few days at the cottage cross country skiing during March Break. It was really beautiful! Later in the break when I failed my bloodwork I got to spend Thursday in Toronto with some of the amazing #eduknitnight crew; we ate and talked and walked and shopped for yarn and there was much public knitting. :)

My 3:30 call today was very exciting! Lucy will be going on exchange to France this summer, and we had a video call with the family that will be hosting her. It was lovely to meet them; they seem very friendly and caring. I am really wishing I could go on exchange to practice my French. :) I tried my best but it's wild how vocabulary leaves your brain when you aren't practicing.

This week I started knitting a Lucy requested item - a Folklore Cardigan. I was excited that she requested it and today during my waiting room visit I finished the last 6 inches of the back (the first piece) and it looks great! I will leave you with a few photos, the first here is an exchange with the knitters after my failed trip to the cancer centre today. Read to the end. We had a good laugh about the second comment, whose author may or may not have known just how good the laugh would be!